Today is my birthday. I’m currently enjoying a fabulous mini break in the Lake District thanks to my husband, plus it is Falcon’s first holiday as we’re staying in a super dog-friendly hotel. We’ve only just checked in, but basically, our lovely puppy can go everywhere except on the sofas, and he is loving all the attention he is getting. I promise more to come on this fabulous trip next week.
Birthday’s are a funny thing, when you are younger you get excited, maybe there’s a party, then you get to you teens and you count down to those big moments, 16, 18 and then 21, then things change again to not actually wanting to be a year older, you actually start to dread being a year older, especially when you are close to 30. For me, Birthday’s have always been fun, this year though I’m kind of wishing it would just quietly pass. It’s not that I’m upset about being one year older, I barely act my age as it is, but lately I’ve been reflecting on my life and coming to the conclusion that I’m not really achieving.
I know this isn’t the usual sort of post from me, and definitely not one you would expect on someone’s birthday, but I just felt the need to blog honestly about something that I’m finding a challenge. This blog has been going for 6 years and lately I’ve just been feeling like I’m not reaching my full potential, I’m not talking fame and fortune, I came to grips a long time ago that no one would want this face to front anything, I’m talking creativity. I would like this tiny space of the internet to be somewhere to inspire, inform, and entertain, for the most part, I think I’m improving, you guys have responded so well to more style posts and my interview series, but I want to make Fashionista Barbie into a portal, you know share the love. I’m thinking I need to find a way of sharing all the great content out there that inspires me, but in a way that’s inspiring for you guys. I’m still trying to figure that out.
There’s a pressure to succeed, to keep moving forward, but I’m finding it hard at the moment to just stay still without sinking. I know a lot of that pressure and anxiety is my own making. I seem to put so much pressure on myself that I find it hard to do anything, it’s sapping the inspiration and creativity out of me. I need to find the positivity that I had at the beginning of the year. I need to start believing in myself again. It’s a hard challenge, but I see this birthday as a turning point.
Normally on a birthday you create wishlist of presents you want, I haven’t done that, I actually haven’t asked for anything off my loved ones, instead I’m using this reflection time to sit down and list my goals, embrace the sunshine and work towards something that’s important to me, instead of coasting through, which seems to have been what I’ve been doing for the past couple of months.
Justing writing these worries down is helping, I find bottling things up isn’t good for me, and I’m hoping that over the next few weeks I can power through and get back on track. At the start of this post I was worried, about what you guys would think about this sort of post, I’ve always maintained that Fashionista Barbie is a personal blog and my inner turmoil is part of that, I just wanted to give you guys a life update, and hopefully in the next few weeks I can bring you some new and inspiring content that will reshape the direction of this blog. Until then, I suggest we all eat a slice of cake, well it would be rude not to on my birthday!!!